Clueless in St Andrews

Lately I have been thinking of writing a post about ‘Overheard in St Andrews’, but then I saw someone on The Saint beat me to it the other day. Then I started wondering whether or not this group actually reflects any particular reality about people here. After all, everyone says stupid things. I say some pretty ridiculous things (“I don’t know where I could fit a boyfriend…”). So even if usually the things posted on ‘Overheard’ reflect the St Andrean stereotype of the rich/clueless/generally uncultured brat, there is no reason to conclude that it is a niche problem that St Andrews has (sort of, anyways): unfortunately, it might be a worldwide phenomenon. 

So instead, I began to think that actually it is ‘Lost&Found in St Andrews’ or the ‘Flea Market’ that reveal much more about our weird social world, maybe more so than ‘Overheard’. I mean, who sells a projector worth £1000? That’s more than my monthly rent and food expenses. Just sayin’. When would anyone ever use it? And what about the tea maker with the “four temperature settings and keep warm function”, which has “a self-lowering and raising tea infuser for optimal brewing strength”? My responses to that are, a) that person should just quit university and get a career in marketing; b) buying something like that in the first place shows evidence of ‘tea fetish’ and, believe me, I know how to recognise it, I live with someone who owns 12 different kinds of leaf tea…and even she thought the Star Trek tea maker was a little too much. Above all, the thing that kills me about reading those posts is that most people describe these luxurious items as “barely used” or “practically new”. They might as well write, “Took it out of the box, didn’t like it, couldn’t return it, cost lots of money, probably need to think about my consumer choices a little more carefully…want to buy it?” 

And then, ‘Lost&Found’. Sadly, I think a lot of the hilarious and random crap that gets lost doesn’t get posted on the page, so this is a call for improvement people: if you found a pair of fluffy handcuffs inside the kitchen drawer at DRA or a mankini in the laundry room, by all means let us know. The things that do make it on the page are usually ID cards (people like to specify what name is on their card, even if it’s the exact same name they have on Facebook), many, many leather and Barbour jackets and, of course, Blackberries and iPhones (you know, why take care of them when Apple releases a new version every month anyways?). Apparently it has now become common to spot people around town wearing items of clothing that one has lost. Now, that just might be reflecting the hugest irony this town could possibly have to offer (rich kids stealing each other’s clothes) or showing how many drunken one-night-stands have ended up with the guy giving the girl his woolly cardigan as a token of his love and then forgetting about it.

What am I trying to get at? Yes, my usual rant against consumerism and materialism and the little appreciation people here have for the things they own. But is this not a sign of clueless behaviour? Again, possibly not a phenomenon restricted to the realm St Andrews, but I feel like it’s very much in one’s face in this town.

On a positive note, at least we live in a place where things (besides woollens and hoodies) don’t really get stolen. So we can rely on our good old community of students to find our way back to what we’ve lost (with the possible exception of one’s dignity), and the fact that the police are helpful in finding missing designer handbags, due to the little crime watch they’re actually required to do. Just be careful about lost passports: I hear those get shredded at the police station.