Oh, the complaining I'm about to do. I've been holding it in since Mexico: this truly annoying song just hit the charts over there and man, do they love it. I believe we are all, unfortunately, familiar with 'Whistle'? Let me start by saying a thing or two about this song. To begin with, I feel a bit sad for the man singing it: if he's referring to his penis as a whistle, I'm thinking he's got an issue or two with his self-esteem. Just saying. Secondly, I feel doubly sad for him if he's got a girlfriend so retarded he's got to explain how to 'blow his whistle' as if he was teaching her the ABCs. Sure, I'm not saying every woman (or man, for that matter) should be expected to know immediately how it's done, but a handful of neurones are enough to know where the starting point is at. 'Getting real close' is definitely top of the list. I'd be careful on repeating the 'put your lips together' bit; she might just seal them closed and fail to understand the following steps.
Then, James Bond. I've been holding that in for even longer, because everyone seemed to love it so much: didn't want to immediately become the party pooper on call. And, admitting this movie displays several quality action scenes, I have a real problem with the role of women in it. Yes, yes, Bond is a very damaged and dark man (not that Daniel Craig can truly portray the inner depths of his character, mind you) and his behaviour is a reflection of that fact--a man who is hurt and forever unable to express himself again? I hadn't heard of that before... In any case, my question remains: when was it ever stipulated he would sleep with those women? Come on, the first woman just gets fucked. That's her role in the entire movie. She doesn't even have a line...did she even sigh? And then he just leaves her in bed and that's that. Not cool. In the second instance, again, when was it stipulated that it was ok for him to walk into that shower and screw the second woman? Excuse me, I don't know about you, but if a man unexpectedly walks into the shower whilst I'm in it, I will not spread my legs readily, I will hit him in the crotch with a loofa, repeatedly (and possibly try to asphyxiate him with my shower cap). I'm just saying. Also, M, really? You were head of Foreign Intelligence and yet you manage to die in Bond's arms? Poor effort M, poor effort. But of course, the only truly unsettling threat Bond faces in this movie is that of gay sex, as hinted by the one great performer in the movie, Javier Bardem. Bond gets shot off a bridge and his hair barely gets muffled. He pulls out bullets from his shoulder as if he were picking lint out of his socks. But man on man action makes him lift an eyebrow, a genuine look of sheer terror crossing his eyes? How progressive...
And then, the worst all this Sex&Gender analysis has done to my world: disappointment at Ellen DeGeneres, the last woman on earth I though would let me down. Perhaps it's a cultural thing, but still. The other day I watched a video where she features the heart wrenching story of a single mum, supporting four kids after recently having lost her job. This woman is black. Upon calling her on stage, Ellen hands her a pile of money: $5,000. And there I began to think: this is a little icky. The white woman has the power here. What is this trying to tell me? As if these doubts weren't already uncomfortable enough, out comes a second woman, also white, introduced as the 'guardian angel' of the single mum. Again, the little Sex&Gender alarm in the back of my head started ringing, making me read waaay too much into these scenes. Which is probably what I'm doing, to be honest. Still, are there no deprived, white single mothers in the US that could have been featured in the show? Just putting it out there and encouraging further discussion. I have to, after all, resolve this conundrum.
Of course, there are some lamentable trends which just hand me the stuff to bitch about on a silver platter. I refer here, of course, to Fifty Shades of Grey. The only word I can find for this book is 'insulting'. Perhaps I am too quick in saying this since I've only read some passages, as suggested by my Swedish counterpart, but I am pretty certain this book is absolute garbage. Misleading, insulting garbage. As I was sitting there half laughing half despairing over its contents, I really started to wonder if the most appropriate response to it I could have is to rant about it in academic lingo. It is highly possible it would be more productive to talk to the millions of women who read and enjoy this book, just to understand at what stage of the evolutionary chain we've gotten to here. I fear, after reading the 'contract' within which the protagonist agrees to be 'the property of Mr Grey', that we've only successfully been able to remove negotiators in the process of making women goods to be exchanged.
