I never thought I would do this but, alas, here it is: my petition to Fife Council. After a semester's worth of waking up in streets that look like a warzone, this morning I had it.
"Piles of vom?" you might be asking yourself. Despite that recent episode of chunder sliding off the walls of H&M for a couple of (daytime) hours, the answer is no, the piles of vom are not the problem here. Nor the nauseating smell of fish&chips permanently flowing in the morning air, not the buskers. Although that might be my next petition to Fife Council: this week, we've had a serious development in the busker saga. The past week, we've had it all: the ever so repetitive flute player, the accordion player and the guitar player. AND the newly arrived junior bag piper (who really, really can't play) and the ukulele band, who sing The Lumineers' ''Ho Hey'' ad infinitum. Needless to say, they have now also ruined this song for me.
But no, my concern here is with the birds. I have written about the worrisome seagulls of our town on a previous occasion and, let me tell you, they have gotten worse, if anything. The other morning I witnessed the slaughtering of a crab by one of the seagulls, and my first instinct was to board my windows. They've gotten bigger too: maybe they still haven't lost their winter fluff, but those toddler-sized, feathery beings are preparing for something bigger than the ice age. They'll be laughing at us when we perish during the catastrophe.
So, they're getting meaner, and they're getting more populous. But they are not alone. The crows are following suit. These are animals big enough to inspire Poe to write 'The Raven, part the second.' They are even faster than the seagulls, so their sporadic aggressive spasms are always, infallibly, resulting in a minor heart attack to those passing by them. Why are they so angry? you might ask yourself.
Well, clearly, because we pack our garbage. How much easier would it be if we just let it out in the street for them to have? This would hardly be a bad decision: they will get to it one way or another. At least by leaving it on the side walk we spare ourselves the trash bag confetti flying around in our streets. My question here is, Fife Council, have you thought about making your bin bags (and bins) bird proof?
