Under request of my Swedish counterpart, my resolution not to write about matters of the heart on this blog is temporarily going to be overlooked...
I just heard on the radio that an evolutionary anthropologist from the University of Wisconsin, John Hawks, has found that, although the human race is getting more and more clever with the passing of time, our brains are shrinking. Taking a look around me, it seems this increasingly small capacity is being filled up by essay material, internship applications and the odd trip to the cinema to compensate for all the CV boosting activities that suck the time out of our lives as university students. This, clearly, leaves little space for common sense information, like, I don't know, communicating effectively with the opposite sex?
I've been wanting to scratch that comment about the civilised dating for some days now. Although it does seem to exist, more recent developments have now made me digress back into my hole of disbelief and scepticism about this town's supply of decent men. No, ok, let me reword that: I am in disbelief about the capacity of this town to let men process thoughts properly. Since when is the prospect of a possible, future, break-up a good justification for calling a potentially good relationship off? More to the point, what actual reasoning goes behind a decision like that? Some blame fear, and, more specifically, some blame performance anxiety.
I am not one to talk; I am the one who cannot sum up the courage to ask 'library guy' out for a coffee, so who can blame some poor male specimen for being preoccupied about their capacities in the bedroom? In my case though, it is not so much my speaking abilities that worry me, so in my case it is not at all about performance anxiety.
I am trying to put myself in the guy's shoes here, I promise. Last night one of my male friends asked me, "Do you know how hard it is to get it up when you're nervous?". Although I cannot say I do, I empathise with the trauma this might inflict on sufferers of said technical problem. Still, I hold strong to my belief that no woman in her right mind will turn to a man after the first time and say, "Well, that was shit". I like to think we're a bit more considerate than that. We will be disappointed, and, I'm sure, there are several ways this can come across, some non-verbal, but we will always give the subject in question another chance. If after the fifth time it is still a complete disaster, we are more than happy to supply some easy-to-follow suggestions. Seriously, if this is an excuse, although logical, it is absolutely ridiculous.
Also, does this allegation mean that the aforementioned male specimen is so frightened of failing in the encounter that he will just avoid it ad infinitum? It HAS to happen eventually, and if it goes wrong, well, it won't be the end of the world. Seems to me like this is just a tiny obstacle in comparison to all the good sex that could come after one bad time.
Since Hawks maintains that our brains are shrinking, it might just be the case that the remaining space is just getting filled up with fear. Again, I count myself amongst those who let the tiny brain area fill up with self-inflicted nonsense. Is it just that the walls of our heads are closer together, and stupid ideas are simply taking less time to bounce off from one side to the other?
One more thing. If we want to avoid the situation in which a seemingly charming and innocuous man drops the "I'm just not ready for this"-bomb, pay close attention at the way he looks at you. If his eyes are glazed all over, his smile is slightly narcotic, and his feet point directly towards you, suggesting a restrained need to kiss the ground you walk on, then chances are that, if the occasion does arise (pun unintended), the sex will not be great. This type of fellow will be incredibly excited, and the risk he runs is not that of under-achieving, but rather, being an over-achiever in matters of time. If the look of infatuation is a bit more restrained, then it might be the case that there is some anticipation and logical thinking going on, in which case make sure to say supportive and encouraging things that will prevent the fear from making its sneaky way into the situation. This, of course, might not work; there's so little space left for proper, fearless communication to happen amongst us. I say, let's make the most of what we can before our brains get too tiny. And if someone knows what it is that women do to intimidate men to this extent, drop us a note, will ya?
I just heard on the radio that an evolutionary anthropologist from the University of Wisconsin, John Hawks, has found that, although the human race is getting more and more clever with the passing of time, our brains are shrinking. Taking a look around me, it seems this increasingly small capacity is being filled up by essay material, internship applications and the odd trip to the cinema to compensate for all the CV boosting activities that suck the time out of our lives as university students. This, clearly, leaves little space for common sense information, like, I don't know, communicating effectively with the opposite sex?
I've been wanting to scratch that comment about the civilised dating for some days now. Although it does seem to exist, more recent developments have now made me digress back into my hole of disbelief and scepticism about this town's supply of decent men. No, ok, let me reword that: I am in disbelief about the capacity of this town to let men process thoughts properly. Since when is the prospect of a possible, future, break-up a good justification for calling a potentially good relationship off? More to the point, what actual reasoning goes behind a decision like that? Some blame fear, and, more specifically, some blame performance anxiety.
I am not one to talk; I am the one who cannot sum up the courage to ask 'library guy' out for a coffee, so who can blame some poor male specimen for being preoccupied about their capacities in the bedroom? In my case though, it is not so much my speaking abilities that worry me, so in my case it is not at all about performance anxiety.
I am trying to put myself in the guy's shoes here, I promise. Last night one of my male friends asked me, "Do you know how hard it is to get it up when you're nervous?". Although I cannot say I do, I empathise with the trauma this might inflict on sufferers of said technical problem. Still, I hold strong to my belief that no woman in her right mind will turn to a man after the first time and say, "Well, that was shit". I like to think we're a bit more considerate than that. We will be disappointed, and, I'm sure, there are several ways this can come across, some non-verbal, but we will always give the subject in question another chance. If after the fifth time it is still a complete disaster, we are more than happy to supply some easy-to-follow suggestions. Seriously, if this is an excuse, although logical, it is absolutely ridiculous.
Also, does this allegation mean that the aforementioned male specimen is so frightened of failing in the encounter that he will just avoid it ad infinitum? It HAS to happen eventually, and if it goes wrong, well, it won't be the end of the world. Seems to me like this is just a tiny obstacle in comparison to all the good sex that could come after one bad time.
Since Hawks maintains that our brains are shrinking, it might just be the case that the remaining space is just getting filled up with fear. Again, I count myself amongst those who let the tiny brain area fill up with self-inflicted nonsense. Is it just that the walls of our heads are closer together, and stupid ideas are simply taking less time to bounce off from one side to the other?
One more thing. If we want to avoid the situation in which a seemingly charming and innocuous man drops the "I'm just not ready for this"-bomb, pay close attention at the way he looks at you. If his eyes are glazed all over, his smile is slightly narcotic, and his feet point directly towards you, suggesting a restrained need to kiss the ground you walk on, then chances are that, if the occasion does arise (pun unintended), the sex will not be great. This type of fellow will be incredibly excited, and the risk he runs is not that of under-achieving, but rather, being an over-achiever in matters of time. If the look of infatuation is a bit more restrained, then it might be the case that there is some anticipation and logical thinking going on, in which case make sure to say supportive and encouraging things that will prevent the fear from making its sneaky way into the situation. This, of course, might not work; there's so little space left for proper, fearless communication to happen amongst us. I say, let's make the most of what we can before our brains get too tiny. And if someone knows what it is that women do to intimidate men to this extent, drop us a note, will ya?
What women have that intimidates men? They have the power of refusing what men want, cannot take, and once refused can never be recanted ;)
ReplyDeleteNot sure what you mean there. But I like to think men have equal rights to refuse what women want too...that does not undermine our willingness to be with them!
DeleteOf course they do, the difference is men are still expected, or let's say still common practice, to be making the first move. What I meant was, the anguish of facing a possible rejection - sometimes in a painful way ie being made fun of, learning about a boyfriend - is a great deterrent. And once a rejection's been made, it's difficult to take back.
ReplyDeleteThat's fair enough. But isn't it worse living with the 'what if' in the back of your head?
DeleteDefinitely! Which is why it's good we have the "come on, man up and go talk to her" voice inside are heads :p
ReplyDelete