Coming Back (and Leaving)

I am one of those people that needs to be away from a place in order to appreciate it. That's what happened to me with Mexico, and what is happening to me with St Andrews. Finally, two days before coming back, after almost two months of being away, I began to feel the need to return to the bubble.

Coming back is always a hassle--as is leaving, of course. All those flight connections, buses and trains or taxis. We begin to wonder if it is really worth coming all the way here to study, after all. Then we take that last turn on the motorway...behind a backdrop of grey waves and golf courses, St Andrews greets its returning travellers; once again, a weight lifts from our tired shoulders. This town is a home, after all.

I've been back for just a few hours, and already I have: spoken to a classmate on the train, saw three people I know on the way to my flat, shouted at a friend from my window and had her up for tea, and had another friend walk over from his house to mine in just a few minutes, just to say hi. Being back isn't that weird yet, I'm just settling back into this strange life we have all become accustomed to.

And I realise these are all things I should have never taken for granted, and forgive me if I ever did. Despite its slightly claustrophobic atmosphere, I will miss St Andrews. I think I'm not alone in feeling that, although being students here is probably the least stable aspect of our lives, living in St Andrews is something which provides a lot of stability as well. Being away also meant being far from many things that have become part of me now, and walking into the apartment was like landing back on earth after going to space. The reading packs, the wall of pretentious words, memories from my last few nights before leaving, the cards from friends still sitting on my desk: all small bits and pieces that I will never be able to run away from (and I wouldn't want to, either). 

The reality of our short remaining time here hasn't properly hit me yet: is there something wrong with me, or have I just made peace with the fact it will be a shock and I just need to wait for it? Isn't it true scientists say being born is the biggest shock in a human being's lifetime? I'm starting to think that graduating from St Andrews will be a bit like being born; we have nested in this safe space for four years and now the time has come to emerge. And there will be crying, like the first time we were born. But I have a feeling, this time, it's going to be a bit easier to carry on, away, from yet another bizarre home.